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随笔

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　　今年的夏天格外的闷，难得的是，从小到大生长在北方的我，居然体会了一
把比起三亚还要热的高温……不知道是该喜，还是该悲……

　　最近比较忙，但是相比较起以前的生活，还是轻松了很多。时间也充裕了。

　　前一阵子刚刚考了驾证。现在还想有时间去学学游泳。觉得自己越大，越碌
碌无为起来。就连自己未来的生活目的，也是掌握在别人的手里一样。自己没有
什么动力，所以才想学些东西来充实自己。让自己也能感觉的到，自己还是有点
价值的吧。

　　不知道是不是父母脾气都不好的原因，从小就养成了这样的习惯，受不了别
人的训斥，甚至是一点点冷眼，尤其是自己深爱的人。这样的毛病还伴随着我那
可怜的天性——胆小。呵。所以，在最开始的愤怒之后，默默无语，顺从……记
得父亲曾经因为我分不清楚东南西北而大发雷霆，母亲也因为我拿了别人的玩具
第一次想要打我。现在也到了快步入中年的年纪，这样的毛病还是无法根除。有
时候会因为别人的一句话，暗自难过很长时间。心里也不止一次的下过决心，要
坚强，要成熟。别再因为一些口舌之争闹的自己面目全非。何苦。但是每次还是
会重复以前的老样子。争吵，无语，哭泣。这样的自己都让自己深深的觉得惭愧。

　　到底是为了什么才这样，本来就早知道这样的结局，为什么每次都不长记性。

　　既然这样，一开始就不应该去争吵。不是么？能吵出什么结果，还不是自己
一个人哭。

　　承认自己很笨，承认自己很懒，承认自己很无能很懦弱。并不因为你是个女

　　人……

　　其实他说的很对，为什么不能自己要点强，争点气，别做让别人会瞧不起你
的事。就是因为一直太过依赖，软弱，往往都是在外人面前争强好胜，其实最最
应该表现的机会应该在最亲的人面前。而不是放任和无所谓。从一本杂志上看过
这样一句话，如果你能把对待外人的态度，拿来对待自己的亲人，你会发现，生
活温馨很多。

　　谁都不怪，从一开始到最后，没有人会让你哭泣，包括所有曾经让我哭泣的
人，不想再去找别人的原因，别人的不是，如果自己没有错，为什么最后难过的
总是自己？我是应该反省的。

　　多少年以后，身边最爱的人可能慢慢的离去，人生中真的有很多值得哭泣的
事情。我想，还是把眼泪留到最好的时候。

　　迷途，茫然，30岁的女人，10岁的心，真傻……

[[i] 本帖最后由 晕2010 于 2011-6-19 21:37 编辑 [/i]]

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